Caleb Kaltenbach (M.A. '07) is an alumnus of Biola's Talbot School of Theology, lead pastor of a large church in Simi Valley, Calif., and a married father of two. He's also an emerging vocalism in the give-and-take of how Christians should engage the LGBT community. That's considering Kaltenbach has an insider perspective, having been raised past a dad and mom who divorced and independently came out of the closet as a gay man and a lesbian. Raised in the midst of LGBT parties and pride parades, Kaltenbach became a Christian and a pastor equally a young developed. Today, he manages the tension of holding to the traditional biblical teaching on sexuality while loving his gay parents.

Kaltenbach's unique story is detailed in his new book Messy Grace: How a Pastor with Gay Parents Learned to Love Others Without Sacrificing Conviction and landed him on the front end folio of the New York Times in June. Biola Magazine reached out to him to talk most his volume and his perspective on how Christians can better navigate the complexities of this issue with truth and grace.

In your volume yous say that it'due south time for Christians to own the event of homosexuality. What exercise you hateful by this? How would yous like to see this play out?

Christians tin own this consequence by caring enough to go to know the whole person. If you think that identifying equally LGBT is mainly nearly sex — that'due south shallow. The theology of "whom we take sex with" might be blackness and white, but the person and related experiences aren't. Once my mom told me that she and her partner hadn't been intimate in years. I asked why she still called herself a lesbian. Her response was that she had a community filled with friends, acceptance, a crusade and deep feelings. It reminded me that people have depth. Care enough nigh a person not to reduce them to their sexual orientation. If someone who is LGBT says that information technology'due south not mainly about sexual activity, why immediately throw the "homosexuality verses" their way? Talk nearly holy living downwards the road. Mayhap Christians tin own this issue past being kind and making a new friend.

You challenge Christians to stop avoiding or but "tolerating" LGBT people, but to engage in meaningful relationships with them. What should that wait similar?

The more Christians stop treating people in the LGBT customs every bit "evangelistic projects" or "those people," the more meaningful relationships will develop. Here's the secret to engage in meaningful relationships with anyone: Treat people similar actual people. Comprehend the tension by developing friendships over meals, java and more. Appoint in conversations. Try to sympathize who they are as a person (experiences, hopes, dreams, fears, etc.). Don't seek to "fix" anyone, simply indicate to Christ. Here's a difficult truth I came to learn over the years: Information technology's never been my job to change someone'southward sexual attraction. God didn't call me to "restore" LGBT people to a directly orientation. Information technology's not fifty-fifty my job to change lives. It'due south God's job. He has great experience in the "life change department." My responsibility is to dearest people, make friends and journey with them.

You write that 1 definition of dear is belongings the tension of grace and truth. What do you hateful by this and who practice you recollect models this sort of love well?

The uncomfortable feeling in the tension of grace and truth is love. and God as well. Withal, love never harms. A theological conviction should never be a catalyst to treat someone poorly. We can accept the person without approving of their pick to be in (or pursue) a same-sex relationship. Love people, merely call up what the Bible teaches. Deepen your relationships, merely hold house to conviction. Never give up on the person or Scripture. Dear never takes sides. Beloved has no exception clause. I see this love lived out by some parents of gay teenagers. These parents love their kids no thing what and nothing near their relationship changes. They give thanks the teen for trusting them with this role of their life. At the same time, they concur true to what Scripture says not only nearly sexuality, simply besides near loving others.

What happens if our "love" is not accepted at all because we yet agree to truth? What would you lot say to an LGBT person who argues that "acceptance but not blessing" is not actually love? Isn't that the direction society is moving, that anything short of full approval is really bigotry?

To the LGBT person: Be conscientious taking a hardline stance on something that isn't your foundational identity. Your main identity shouldn't be divers by your sexual orientation; rather God should define it. People are entitled to their beliefs. Many examined Scripture, believe that sexual intimacy is for a human being and adult female in wedlock, and aren't homophobic or mean. If these people are loved ones (being loving towards you) why close them out? Don't altitude yourself because they don't agree with you or the kind of human relationship you might have. Don't treat others who disagree with you the way you wouldn't like to be treated. They might be intolerant in your mind for not like-minded with you. Even so, are they treating you poorly? Do they beloved you less? Practise they not value y'all anymore? Don't become intolerant by not giving them margin to have unlike views.

How should and how shouldn't Christians respond if someone in their life or church community confides in them well-nigh same sex attraction?

Christians brand as well many mistakes when someone comes out to them. They endeavor to advise counseling. At some bespeak, they will throw out Bible verses concerning homosexuality or marriage. Some Christians try to "chronicle" and often compare same-sex attraction to other sins like murder, theft, etc. Emotions like depression and anger will usually set up in. Unfortunately, these are all the wrong things to exercise. Everyone needs counseling, the person coming out probably knows how yous interpret the Bible regarding sexuality, and they don't want to be compared to Hannibal Lecter or Gordon Gekko. This is a moment to mind and affirm your love for them. Retrieve of it this way: The people coming out to you have chosen to share a very intimate and personal office of their life because you are someone they value. You lot can never get this moment back, and responding the wrong mode is devastating.

How should a Christian reply if invited to a same-sexual activity marriage anniversary? Is attending a gay hymeneals a tacit affirmation of the sacredness of the vows being exchanged?

Attending may put you in a difficult position equally one who believes marriage is for a human being and woman. Nevertheless, y'all'll have influence in your relationship with the married person. Fear shouldn't keep yous from a situation where others disagree with you. There might be a chance to share your faith with others at the wedding. Later, when the newlywed has a flavour of doubt or turmoil, you might be the person they turn to (giving you the chance to share Jesus). Merely there are likewise reasons why you may not want to attend. Hurt feelings may issue, only God created union for him and the couple. You need to represent truth, and this might be one of those times. In the cease, the couple might recognize and remember your integrity. Either option could carry relational difficulty, doctrinal tension or emotional baggage. My advice: Pray about it and represent Jesus well with your decision.

If celibacy is the simply selection for a same-sex-attracted Christian who wants to remain biblically faithful (you argue this in the book), what can the church practise to better minister to these people? Can we simply casually tell them "no sex for yous!" and leave it at that?

Some fence the Bible doesn't address aforementioned-sex activity loving monogamous relationships, so it's fine. However, all passages dealing with homosexuality agree that same-sex intimacy isn't God's blueprint — monogamous or not. Sexual intimacy is from God for a human being and adult female in the covenant of marriage. Outside of marriage, there shouldn't be any expression of sexuality. Our sexual practice-obsessed culture makes celibacy out to exist cruel, when information technology's a blessing. There's more than focus on God, freedom in life, acknowledgement of allure while nonetheless belongings to biblical convictions. Intimacy isn't merely sexual; it is also experienced through lifelong friendships, supporting causes and family. The church building must create an temper of relational opportunities for single people. For case, if a unmarried person is sick, hospitalized, or needs assistance — the church building should support them through small groups, funds and other ways. Celibacy is a sacrifice for Jesus, and the church needs to prepare for that cede.

What are some means local churches can improve minister to the LGBT community?

Allow people to "vest earlier they believe." If yous're going to ask people not to identify with the LGBT customs, you'd better have some other customs ready for them! Give people margin for God to work in their lives. Healing and spiritual heart surgery takes time. Aid people to feel safe near albeit struggle without fear of backlash. Create an surround where it'southward OK for teenagers to inquire questions and be authentic. Train youth leaders to listen and ask the right questions. Create support for parents of gay teenagers. Spend fourth dimension with LGBT people outside and inside your church (they are there). Mind, ask questions and learn. Don't allow church policies to hinder needed conversations.

Caleb Kaltenbach (M.A. '07) is the lead pastor at Discovery Church in Simi Valley, Calif., and the author of Messy Grace: How a Pastor with Gay Parents Learned to Dearest Others Without Sacrificing Conviction.